This Moment (7th Nov 2010)

4 p.m. something I’m inside my room searching 2 – 3 dramas which I wanted to watch so much lately, and I found other things inside, 4 CDs Oscar gave me. I put inside my laptop check what songs inside, WOW~! It’s amazing! Got lots of oldies & nice songs I used to love before, and some songs he always listen and recommended here too. I’m kinda enjoy listen it now, trying to get some to put inside my mp3. Well, Oscar likes Misia damn much, seems 4 CDs also got her songs. Me too. But I think I prefer Utada Hikaru, haha~! Talk about music, 3 days 3 nights also cannot finish this topic.

Today is holiday to everyone, but I found nothing to do now. Staying home a bit bored, but this kind of bored won’t hurt me, won’t make me feel sad but leisure enough. Every weekend I’m waiting this moment come, there’s only this moment I can say, ‘I am free, and free till I will say I am bored’. Yes, if you call me during Monday till Saturday, I’m sure will answer you, ‘sorry, I am so busy, call you back later k?’ end up the call or conversation. Too bad, right? What to do? Cuz I really no mood to entertain anybody, but customers. Because of this reason, I don’t have friend anymore. I don’t even remember who call me before during working, oh ya, Maggie; but I found lesser nowadays. Maybe, I rejected her calls too many times till she fed up. Sometimes, I don’t even wanna pick up her call but ask my colleague pick up tell her I’m so busy, and will call her back later time. Sorry Mag, that time I fighting for money, I really no mood to pick up your call. Don’t misunderstand, even Derrick I will treat the same, but lately he didn’t call me at all. I guess he found I like him, but, that already past tense. Be frank, if that is my boyfriend, sure he’ll give me up and meet another girl.

From all the situations, I knew myself very much, I’m tend to be a selfish woman. Yup, I’m woman, but not because of my age, but my experience. Back to the point, SELFISH, yea, want me scarify my times on something or someone will waste my energy without any benefit, sorry, this is not my aim for living. UNLESS, I willing to. For example, I will waste 20 bucks to go in the bird park just because to shoot the photos of those damn birds, I felt worth. Or, I will drive along to KLIA to enjoy my breakfast there because I feel to do it. More, I will bring along my D90 sitting at any park to capture peoples reaction there and looks like a stupid. Sky too wide, like our life, there’re too much we not yet see, we not yet feel on it, why we still stand at the same point because of others? Don’t you guys think is stupid enough?

I have nothing, but myself alone. I don’t have the courage to open my heart to share what I think, what I feel, what I want; the utmost I can do for my best friends, is to keep away my problem from them. This is truth, when I found none of them can help me overcome my problem, I knew, shut up would be the best way.

Now thinking what I wanna do next after this post, go out shoot photo? Good idea.